


back to you

by xlissas



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post canon, Romance, affair au, all couples are childless :), did i mention there’s gonna be an affair, lots and lots of regrets, no gremlins btw, self indulgent, yep fight me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-12 18:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlissas/pseuds/xlissas
Summary: If I could do it all again, I know I’d go back to you.[NaruSaku / affair au / rating may change / 699? 700? Idk her]





	1. old friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely self-indulgent and originally started as a fic called Choices I wrote and never finished ages ago. Sorta morphed into this, just so happens Selena Gomez’s new song fits. LMAO dedicated to all my fellow NS shippers, even after all this time, I love you all!!!

A pink-haired woman sat her desk, her concentration flitting back and forth between the papers to her right and her monitor screen. Furious clicking could be heard from her mouse and keyboard as she mumbled to herself names of patients and their most private medical details. She knew that as head medic, she could have literally anyone on her staff handle this for her. But, if there was anything Uchiha Sakura learned in her short tenure as Konoha’s hospital director, if she wanted anything done right, it had to be done herself.

Therefore, here she was with several more patient files to sift through nearly three hours after her actual shift had ended.

Sakura sighed deeply as she felt yet another headache coming on. Lithe fingers reached to pinch the bridge of her nose, as if that would somehow keep the pain at bay, and she closed her eyes in exhaustion.

_Just a few more,_ she thought, _just a few more before I can allow myself to finally clock out._

Steeling herself with a deep breath and quick shake of her arms, she got back to work and tried to ignore the clock on her wall practically screaming at her to go home. It had become a habit of hers, to stay well past the time everyone on day shift had gone home to their families, but she hadn’t the energy to fight it anymore.

After all, she didn’t really have a family to go home to.

She still had her ever-loving parents, of course. But they had warned her about her husband, time and time again. Three years into their marriage and Sakura’s parents still had a persistent, growing mistrust in the Uchiha heir. So, she never felt it right to complain to them about the one thing they had tried to convince her to avoid. Even if, ultimately, her parents continually supported her and her decisions.

The medic was brought out of her brief musings by a soft knock at the door.

“Enter.”

One of the night nurses, a brunette Sakura recognized as Sayuri, walked into her office, a beige folder filled to the brim with countless papers nestled against her chest.

“Uchiha-san, here’s the last of the paperwork from the day shift,” Sayuri said, a kind smile spreading her lips as she offered over the folder. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No, thank you,” the pink-haired medic said with a sigh as she took the pile of yet more paperwork and unceremoniously dropped it into her desk drawer before shutting it with a soft click. “And please, call me Sakura.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Sakura turned back to her computer screen, her eyes red and sunken from lack of sleep. When she didn’t hear her office door shut, she looked up to find her subordinate studying her, azure eyes flitting over her as she worried her bottom lip.

“Is there something you need, Sayuri-san?”

Seemingly embarrassed at being caught, the young woman jumped slightly with a small yelp.

“U-uh, no ma’am, I just… if I may, I think you should probably go home and get some sleep, Sakura-san…”

Sakura couldn’t help but smile at the nurse for her concern. She was a relatively new hire, and Sakura was aware she was oftentimes unintentionally intimidating to newer staff. The older woman merely nodded and sighed with resignation.

“I suppose you’re right. In the meantime, make sure this place doesn’t crash and burn without me, yeah?”

When the nurse seemed unsure of whether or not to laugh, Sakura offered her a reassuring smile. This earned her a soft giggle from the brunette.

“Yes, ma’am!”

Once she had dismissed Sayuri and she was alone once more, Sakura began packing away her things for the night.

After double and triple checking all of her sensitive files were saved, she shut down her computer and grabbed her purse from the floor under her desk. She slung the strap over her shoulder and looked at the clock for the final time that night: 8:36PM.

As she walked through the seemingly endless, stark white hallways of the hospital, she couldn’t help but reflect on just how far she had come since her academy days. She had reached top of her career at a record pace, becoming head medic and hospital director just shy of her 23rd birthday. It was long, tiring days like these that got her to where she was, and irritable as sleep deprivation could sometimes make her, it had been well worth it.

Those same long, tiring days also helped her stave off going home to an empty, loveless house.

As much as she wanted to be happy instead merely acting the part to save face, she knew that she hadn’t been in a long time. She had her dream husband and career, but those facts alone didn’t hide said husband’s ever-growing absence. The more she had realized this, the more she had attempted to distract and drown herself with long days at the hospital or being out of the house whenever possible on the very few days off she allowed herself.

Sakura hadn’t realized she had left the hospital until the cool night air bit at her skin, causing her to wrap her sweater tighter around her frame. After a brief moment of rubbing her arms to warm them, she set off in the direction of the Uchiha compound.

The old Uchiha main house was lonelier than it had ever been. Before their marriage, Sakura had done most of the cleaning without complaint, making sure it would be up to what she’d assumed to be Sasuke’s standards. She had taken several days off, hoping her hard work would make her husband-to-be happy. However, he didn’t even visit the old house, much less her, until the day of the wedding.

It pained her to think of her wedding. It sent a shiver up her spine — or maybe that was the wind — to think of just how far off her dreams had been from reality.

Even in her supposed wedding-day bliss, Haruno Sakura hadn’t been blind, and she had certainly never been stupid. She knew, as much as everything within her screamed at her to deny it, that the wedding and even Sasuke’s marriage to her was nothing but a formality. She told everyone, even Ino, even herself, the bold-faced lie that she and Sasuke were in fact in love and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of their lives together.

At some point, she mused, maybe that statement were half-true.

She had loved him, yes, since she was a child.

But therein lied the issue - she had been a child. She didn’t know what love was back then. And, if she were honest with herself, she probably still didn’t. At the very least, she didn’t know what it was like to love without pain. She didn’t know what it was like to love someone who treated her right.

She did, a voice in the back of her mind whispered.

However, she buried the thought quickly, her steps increasing pace as if she could out-run it.

So the charade of Uchiha matriarch and marital bliss would continue on.

Lying to herself was, after all, one of her best talents.

As Sakura continued walking, doing her best to stop her depressing chain of thought, she realized she had walked a little too far from the Uchiha compound.

In her reverie, her feet had brought her to the memorial grounds on the outskirts of Konohagakure.

The minute she realized this, green met blue.

Her heart felt as if it had leapt into her throat, choking her into silence. She knew she should say something, even just a hello – after all, he was just an old friend. An old friend she barely spoke to anymore, but an old friend nonetheless.

“Sakura.”

His voice seemed to truly bring him to her attention, as if he had been a phantom suddenly made real, and she managed to tear her gaze from his long enough to give the man before her a once over.

Naruto had really grown up, she had to admit to herself. She suddenly felt 15 again, seeing her best friend again for the first time in three years, how much taller he’d gotten, how mature he’d seemed. Sure, maturity was a façade fifteen-year-old Naruto couldn’t hold up for very long.

However, twenty-three-year-old Naruto could. And he did it rather well.

“Naruto,” she’d said after what seemed to be an eternity. She winced; she could hear the slight strain in her voice, and she prayed he either hadn’t heard it or would choose to ignore it.

The blond’s expression seemed to soften. So maybe he had heard it, the way that lump in her throat just wouldn’t leave her be?

Maybe it was something else entirely?

Whatever the reason for his blue eyes looking at her like that, he simply said, “It’s been a while.”

She suddenly felt cold – probably just the wind, again – and crossed her arms over her torso to keep herself warm. The longer she simply looked at him, the warmer she seemed to feel, like a void she hadn’t even been aware of had been filled. It had been what seemed like a lifetime since she’d properly spoken to Naruto, much less alone.

“Yeah… I guess it has.”

She pretended not to notice how Naruto glanced her over, much like she had done to him, or the way he pressed his lips together in thought before speaking again. She couldn’t stop herself from trying to read him as she had when they were younger. She was finding that not only was she out of practice, she hadn’t the first clue what the blond could be thinking.

She didn’t quite understand how he could feel like her long lost best friend but also like a complete stranger all at once.

“What’re you doing here?”

Sakura’s cheeks flushed; she was so caught up in seeing him again, she hadn’t quite pieced together just why or how she ended up here. She had been on autopilot.

“I’m…not entirely sure,” she mumbled. Her gaze shifted away from him, her lips pressed into a frown.

She was more than a little surprised to hear Naruto chuckle the slightest bit.

“It’s not like you to wander around aimlessly, Sakura. Especially at night.”

When she turned to him again, the corner of his mouth was upturned slightly in the smallest of grins. Her heart leapt into her throat again, and she willed with everything she had for it to go back down.

The Naruto before her really was a different man, in stature as well as status, but even in that little smirk, she could still see the goofball Naruto she had come to know and love.

_Love._

Something else that needed to go back to wherever the hell it came from.

“I- I guess I just got distracted.” She cleared her throat and readjusted her sweater protectively around her frame. “I was just on my way home.”

“Which is the other way.” That little smirk of his widened, and Sakura felt a familiar annoyance bubble in her chest.

“Shut up. Like I said, I got distracted.”

“I’m sure, Sakura.”

Rolling her eyes, Sakura huffed and turned slightly to leave. “I should get going.”

“Hey…”

Sakura turned her head back to him.

“It was really good to see you, ya know.”

Sakura stared back at him for a moment, as if she were taking him in for the very last time, before fully turning away from the blond.

“You…you too, Naruto.”


	2. like your mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto.exe has stopped working

Uzumaki Naruto had always felt he knew what being in love meant, what it was like to give himself to someone wholly and completely. Even with his lonely upbringing, even having not experienced parental love or affection, he always thought he knew how to love someone right.

The notion had been flipped on its head when his wife finally came into the picture.

Even only five years later, he still didn’t quite comprehend what happened. One minute, his heart was breaking because the woman he loved made crystal clear that he never had a chance. The next, none of that mattered anymore for he had a sweet, caring girl right in front of him the whole time and he never even knew.

Back then, it felt like a veil had finally been lifted and he could see clearly what he had been missing. Back then, it was a breath of fresh air to love someone and actually be loved in return. It was an exhilarating feeling, to finally feel like he truly mattered to someone not for what he could do, not for his reputation, but for himself. He finally felt truly accepted as a person, like he was enough.

Now, however, he hadn’t a clue why he would think any of that.

He could clearly remember being six years old, seeing jade eyes and pink hair peeking out from a crowd of adults. He could clearly remember how unfamiliar it was to have someone look at him and actually see him for _who_ instead of _what_ he was.

Yes, he remembered April 3rd quite well.

As he laid in bed that morning, staring at the ceiling as his wife slept soundly beside him, Naruto couldn’t keep his thoughts from running in circles. He thought he had finally calmed down and moved on. He thought he had a handle on his feelings for a certain pink-haired medic, laid them to rest _years_ ago.

It only took one chance encounter for his life to, once again, be completely turned on its head.

Naruto knew he should feel guilty for thinking of another woman while Hinata – his _wife_ , he repeated in his head like a mantra – breathed softly next to him and was none the wiser. He knew if he just looked at her, he would feel the same way he did five years ago. He knew everything would have to come rushing back to him and he could go about his day like nothing happened.

He knew this, but he couldn’t seem to purge Uchiha Sakura from his thoughts.

Other than seeing Sakura that night, yesterday hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary. Yesterday was no different from any other day since he and Hinata got married three years ago. He had seen Sakura since, although sparingly, and he had always figured they had both just gotten too caught up in their own lives to really see each other like they used to. With how tired she seemed last night, maybe Sakura had been busier than he thought. Still, he had seen her other times and didn’t wake up the next morning feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.

Sakura hadn’t just looked tired, but downright exhausted, and it unsettled Naruto in a way he couldn’t quite name. He saw the way she glanced him over, and she seemed almost sad. He probably imagined that, but he knew he didn’t imagine the way her voice caught in her throat. It was a sound he was all too familiar with, but he could normally identify why she sounded like she wanted to cry, even if he never voiced it.

It probably upset him a little too much that he couldn’t do that anymore.

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, why she was apparently working herself to the point of exhaustion. He wanted to tell her to go home and rest. She had even said she’d been distracted — Naruto had never known Sakura to be a particularly distractible person, but who’s to say he really even knew her anymore? He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken her on a ramen “date” or spent any sort of time alone with her.

Maybe that had been for the best, he thought. All it took was five minutes with her and she once again occupied every thought like he was some lovesick schoolboy. And that wasn’t the least bit fair to his _wife_. That _loved_ him. And he loved _her_.

The rest of that morning passed in a blur, even as he tried to focus on taking a shower, getting dressed, just going about his life without Sakura so much as crossing his mind. He knew, even as he moved on, there would always be a part of him that loved her. After all, she had been his first love.

He never counted on buried feelings ever even beginning to resurface.

_“She just caught you off guard. It’ll pass. It’ll pass. It’ll pass.”_

It didn’t even register when Hinata told him to have a good day as he left for work.

* * *

 All he had to do was classify missions.

It was probably the easiest task any Hokage would ever have to do in their career.

Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on a single document.

How long had he been at work now? Maybe a couple of hours? Minutes?

Naruto had no clue, but it felt like a lifetime.

For once, his day at the office would be predictably uneventful, which he certainly needed after having his routine completely thrown off the previous night. Naruto could always count on his work to distract him from whatever was troubling him, but no matter how hard he tried to just focus on the damn words, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from wandering. Again.

How even was Sakura these days? Was she happy? He certainly knew she was successful – he was the one that approved her promotion once Tsunade had stepped down – but was she _happy_?

Of course she was. She married the man she’d always loved, and she had her dream career with the only way to go being up.

So why, then, couldn’t he shake the feeling that something was horribly off?

More importantly: why did he feel like that was any of his business?

Naruto sighed heavily as he pushed his chair back from his desk and stood up, turning to face the window. He knew this would pass; he sounded like a broken record, but he knew it would pass. He would be able to focus on his work again, maybe he just needed some fresh air, some time to get those thoughts out of his system.

Yes, a walk around the village and some alone time would do him some good.

In one fluid motion, his robe was over his shoulders and he was out the door.

If there was one thing Naruto never quite got used to, it was how he was greeted with smiles wherever he went. Growing up the way he did, fighting as hard as he did, he never could quite grasp that he really did earn the respect and admiration he desperately craved as a child.

It took nearly a year, but he finally got used to villagers referring to him as “Hokage-sama,” but he still insisted that his friends, at the very least, only refer to him as Naruto.

After all, he felt like he was still _just_ Naruto. Now he had a fancy title, but formalities just didn’t sit right with him coming from the people he loved the most.

“Good afternoon, Hokage-sama!”

“Wow, Hokage-sama, you look so cool! I wanna be just like you one day!”

He never would’ve imagined being looked up to would feel so strange.

He couldn’t help but wonder if his father struggled with the same thing in his short time in office. Namikaze Minato was still a highly respected name throughout Konohagakure, and maybe when he was alive the attention got to be too much for him.

Naruto glanced at his father’s face on the Hokage Monument, hands shoved into his pockets.

Even if his father was used to all the attention, he knew his mother certainly wouldn’t be the type of woman to let it get to his head. He had a strong feeling she balanced him out.

_“Hinata’s never really done that for me. Sakura-chan always did, though.”_

He quickly shoved that thought away. It wasn’t right, nor was it fair, and he knew it.

He was supposed to be clearing his head, _dammit_ , not muddying it further.

He also shouldn’t have been so quick to perk up at the smallest flash of pink, but it just hadn’t been his day.

When he saw her, it was like seeing her for the very first time. He hadn’t let himself really take her in beyond those gorgeous green eyes of hers. He could allow himself to admit that she was still as beautiful as ever – he didn’t have to be in love with her or anything to admit that, right? It was just a simple fact that Uchiha Sakura was gorgeous, and she always had been.

He still felt compelled to remind himself he had an equally gorgeous wife waiting for him at home.

Sakura had let her hair grow out, but the rare times he saw her, including the last time, she wore it up in a bun. Today, she had left it down and only tied at the edges, which reached her mid back. She was alone, drinking a cup of tea. It was probably one of her rare days off, which she probably well deserved. As he watched her, he couldn’t help but once again think of his mother and her long red hair.

Sakura reminded him of his mother in a lot of ways. They were both hotheaded, but unspeakably kind. Sakura used to nag him like he imagined his mother probably would have. He’d dare say that Sakura was even protective of him at times. Once they’d grown up, both women were not afraid to speak their minds. Both women were the type who could keep him in line.

_“Find a girl like your mother.”_

Naruto finally snapped out of his train of thought when it finally registered Sakura had moved to leave.

Oh, God. Had she seen him?

He probably looked like some dopey idiot. He certainly suddenly felt like one.

Naruto’s cheeks flushed as he cleared his throat and continued walking, in the opposite direction, willing himself to think of anything other than Uchiha Sakura.

_Uchiha_. Sakura.

_“She’s married, you idiot. To your best friend. You’re married, you absolute goddamn idiot.”_

* * *

Naruto had left his office in an attempt to help himself focus, but he knew before he sat at his desk it had the opposite effect. However, he still had to get something done. The last thing he needed was Shikamaru nagging him about incomplete paperwork. In his assistant’s own words, it would just be too troublesome.

He may have been completely inefficient, but his desire to avoid any sort of nagging from anyone slightly outweighed his odd need to wonder about Uchiha Sakura.

Maybe if he said her last name enough times in his head, thoughts of her would finally go away.

Before he fully realized it, the sun had set and it was well past time for him to go home. Staying late had become a habit of his. After a while, he stopped fighting it, and Hinata never seemed to question it.

She never seemed to question anything he did.

After enough nights of accidentally staying late or just plain putting off going home, Naruto accepted it for what it was and used that time to get something, anything done. Tonight had been an exception.

Sighing in resignation, Naruto once again stood from his desk and tossed his robe over his shoulder.

Maybe talking to his parents would help.

Visiting his parents had been a habit he’d learned from Hinata. They used to visit Neji together after the war, and he vaguely remembered Hinata mentioning it helped to bring her some closure. Sometimes she would just stand over his tombstone, not saying a word as tears would fall down her cheeks. Other times, she would talk to him about the most mundane of things or just say that she missed him. It had been heart-wrenching for Naruto to watch.

He would stand back and let her have her time with her cousin. Sometimes, he’d say a few words to himself. But one day, he wandered away from Hinata when she seemed to be having an especially private moment.

He came across the markers of both of his parents, side by side.

Ever since that day, he visited them every day. After he took office a year ago, he would visit them every night after work. Hinata was aware of his little ritual, and once again she never questioned it, even on the few occasions he would come home after she had gone to bed.

At first, it was odd to him to just stand there, not saying anything to two concrete slabs in the ground. Most of his initial visits were short, but eventually he found himself staying longer and longer. There were several times he had stayed over an hour just talking to them, not a care in the world he would never get a reply.

After a while, though, he swore he could feel his parents’ presence. It’s what kept him coming back.

Naruto stopped at his parents’ markers on instinct. His walk to them was muscle memory by now. He stared down at the markers for a moment before sitting down next to them and tilting his head towards the stars.

“Ne, Kaa-chan… do you remember what you said about me finding a girl…?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn’t be an NS fan if I didn’t bring THIS up, now would I? ;) Just for clarification: Naruto’s generation is around 23-24. Naruto and Sakura got married when they were about 19-20. No little gremlins walking around. And chapters will likely shift POV’s. In later chapters, this may happen a couple of times in one chapter, but we’ll see. It’s probably gonna be slow going at first, so bear with me!! Please let me know what you think!! Your comments are the reason I updated so quick, lmao


	3. resurface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you say that you’re fine, but you’re not really fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Yes, the summary is a vine quote, wanna fight about it?
> 
> I really appreciate all of the lovely feedback I’ve been getting! It really helps keep me motivated! Also, it should be noted that the phrases “that that” and “had had” are the most annoying in the English language.
> 
> Enjoy! (Read: Suffer!)

Going to the café down the street from her parents’ house was one of Sakura’s favorite things to do on her days off. Sometimes, she would continue down that road on to her parents’ house for a visit, and they had always welcomed her with open arms. Other times, she and Ino would grab a cup of tea and catch up, but it had been one of those days where their busy schedules did not line up.

So Sakura had gone to the café alone and ordered a hot cup of green tea.

As she took careful sips of her beverage, Sakura couldn’t help but think about last night at the memorial grounds.

She had paid no attention to who he was visiting, for she had been too distracted by his very presence to even begin to care. Something she never understood about her relationship with Naruto was how he could grab her attention and keep it, even when she didn’t want him to. Whether it was during her genin days as she watched him grow up before her very eyes, or three years later when his physical maturity stared her in the face, she always found herself watching him.

Not that she’d ever really admit it, and there had been many times she stubbornly looked away when he all but _begged_ for her attention.

Then, there was last night, when she had caught the blond Hokage alone for the first time in probably years. He hadn’t waited for her to say anything, all he had to do was say her name and he became her focus. Hell, he had snapped her out of it just by _looking_ at her.

She could admit, at least to herself, not even Sasuke ever had that kind of effect on her. He had looked her way once, one of their first days as a team, and inexplicably never looked back. She had spent most of her adolescent life begging for the youngest Uchiha’s attention but never quite got it.

Even when she finally got the attention she desperately craved, the look in Sasuke’s eyes never had the same effect as Naruto’s. In fact, it left her feeling disappointed. It always left her wanting more, and she always came up empty.

Sakura was nearly done with her tea when she suddenly felt like she was being watched. Jade eyes discreetly looked around her, hoping it was just her imagination, but her breath caught when she found the source.

Naruto was looking directly at her. _Staring._

Biting her lip, Sakura quickly willed herself to look away and down at her near-empty cup.

She cursed her treacherous heart for picking up its pace.

Sakura swallowed thickly as she stood from her seat and put her cup away. She let her rose tendrils fall in her face, praying it would keep her from seeing Naruto looking at her like _that_ again. She walked away from the café and, in effect, him, without looking back.

Even if there was a part of her that wanted to.

* * *

Sakura had been settling in for the night when she was interrupted by a knock at her door.

On her off days, she tended to turn in early so she could be properly recharged for the next couple of weeks of stressful days at the hospital. Even if just past 8PM wasn’t that late, she still hadn’t expected any visitors. In fact, she almost never got visitors anymore.

Bewildered, Sakura made her way to the door from her kitchen as she wiped her hands clean of sudsy water on her apron.

“Yes-?”

Sakura stopped short when she realized there was, in fact, no one standing there to greet her. Her eyes darted up and down the main street of the Uchiha compound, looking for any signs of movement, before finally settling on the wooden porch below her.

Right.

Sakura slowly bent down to collect the woven pouch, pale fingers suddenly trembling, her heart erratic.

Sasuke, her husband, had been at her – _their_ – doorstep.

Every month since Sasuke had left after their wedding, he made sure to send her money for various bills and compound maintenance. He sometimes dropped it off at their doorstep, and other times Shikamaru would bring it by her office. In those instances, she assumed he had been by Naruto’s office, as occasional updates on his travels were a condition of his being allowed to come and go as he pleased. It was also a condition that he show up for said updates in person, which had been Naruto’s request. Kakashi had granted his request while he was still in office. As far as she was aware, it was still an enforced condition.

But as long as they had been “together” – if she could call it that, at this point – she hadn’t a clue how often said updates occurred or how long he stayed. And even still, not once did she ever recall him ever requesting to see her.

This had always been the closest she’d ever gotten.

She should probably be used to this by now, his constant rejection. His constant insistence that he never see her. His persistent, deafening silence. When she married Sasuke, she knew exactly what she was getting herself into, even if it took a few years for her to fully admit that to herself. She knew he didn’t love her, of course she knew, but she tried to convince herself and everyone around her they were hopelessly in love with each other anyway.

_“You really are…damned annoying.”_

Sometimes, even she couldn’t believe how incredibly stupid she could be.

She always blamed it on love, but she really could only blame herself.

After closing the door behind her and clutching the pouch to her chest, Sakura walked over to the end table where she kept framed pictures of her most precious people.

She merely glanced over the photo of her and Ino on her wedding day, the one of her and her parents when she was promoted to jonin, and the one of Team Kakashi. Her eyes were drawn to the final photo on the table, which happened to be the oldest: her first day with Team Seven.

Tears began to prick at her eyes when they landed on a scowling, baby-faced Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura set down the pouch of money on the table in favor of picking up the photo. She looked intently at the boy, no matter how badly she felt her heart constrict or how tight her grip on the frame was getting.

Honestly, how could she be so dumb?

Why was he completely incapable of treating her right?

The longer she stared at the boy in the frame, the more heartache turned to anger. Her pooling tears blurred her vision, and she hadn’t the energy to even attempt to hold them back anymore.

Tears fell to the sound of shattered glass.

And her fist hit the wall next to her with a sickening _crack_.

For the first time in five years, Uchiha Sakura let herself fall to her knees and cry.

She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so hopelessly pathetic.

When Sakura had finally stopped crying, her throat was raw and her body wracked with an occasional hiccup. Her eyes were wet and burning, her face sticky from tears. She sat there in a heap as she attempted to calm herself down, breathing deeply through her nose and out through her mouth.

She looked over to the shattered frame that lay just a few feet from her. She gingerly stood, shaking, and slowly began the process of picking up the pieces. She had barely finished tossing the fragments in the garbage when she heard another knock at her door.

Sakura took the edge of her apron to quickly wipe at her eyes in attempt to finish pulling herself together. A couple of deep breaths later, she was making her way back towards her front door. She then heard another, quicker knock.

“I’m coming!”

She winced at the pain in her throat and the notable crack in her voice.

Sakura was more than shocked to see none other than Uzumaki Naruto on her doorstep.

She barely had time to find her voice again before he said, “Sakura, are you okay?”

She could imagine her eyes were red and sullen, her cheeks splotchy, and she knew her voice was so scratchy it could put Naruto’s to shame.

That concerned look in his eyes was also more than enough to put her right back on the floor in a teary mess. She couldn’t bear it.

“I’m alright.”

“What happened?” He moved closer to her, hands reaching out for her cautiously before falling back to his sides. She could feel his gaze as he looked her over, taking in her disheveled state, and she wanted to coil into herself so he couldn’t see.

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing. Besides, I’d recognize the sound of your fist hitting something anywhere.” She glanced up at him and he gave her a stupid, lopsided grin. For the third time that day, her heartbeat quickened.

He was probably referring to their sparring days at the training grounds, or the many times he would earn a fist to the skull for doing something completely idiotic. She was sure had she been in better spirits, she’d laugh.

“There’s no way you heard that.”

“The memorial grounds aren’t that far from here.”

Oh. Was that a new ritual of his? Did he go there every night?

Not that was any of her business.

“Yeah, I suppose they’re not,” she mumbled. “Sasuke dropped by.”

“Oh, you saw him?” Maybe she had imagined it, but the way he seemed so surprised made her sick.

“No. He just dropped his money for the month and left.”

Naruto was silent for a long moment. She looked up at him when he hadn’t said anything in some time, and his lips were pressed in a deep frown, blue eyes darkened.

“Naruto…?”

“I’ll never understand why he never wants to see you.”

Sakura blinked in surprise. “What?”

“He’s obligated to report to me every few months, sure. He doesn’t really seem to have any issue with that either. But have you seen him on _any_ of the times he’s come home?”

Before she could stop herself, Sakura mumbled, “No, not once.” Naruto’s eyes lit up with a fury she hadn’t seen from him since the war, and she found herself stepping back from the taller blond.

“You’ve really never seen him _once_?”

“No, I haven’t. Naruto, are you alright?” She reached out to place her hand on his arm but stopped herself before she got too far.

“I’m fine. I’m more worried about you and about how your own husband can’t be bothered to pay you a visit every now and then. Especially when he’s already here to report back to me!”

“You’re… important to him, Naruto.”

“And you, his wife, somehow _aren’t_?”

Her throat threatened to close painfully as tears once again stung at the corners of her eyes. The way he was looking at her in his anger, the way it made her feel like he wanted, _needed_ to protect her and her heart, once again stirred up feelings she thought she long buried.

“You’re his best friend.” Her voice was quivering despite her best efforts. “And he’s a busy man, much like you.”

Naruto fell inexplicably silent.

She watched him for a minute, searching his face, once again trying to read her old friend. She couldn’t find anything but that dark look in his eye from earlier that night.

Next thing she knew, her small frame was enveloped in a warmth she hadn’t felt since she was sixteen. For the second time that evening, she let her tears fall off her cheeks, and onto his black jacket.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Naruto whispered after a few moments of nothing but his arms around her and her quiet hiccups.

Sakura wrapped her arms around his torso as she sighed heavily. “I already told you, I’m fine. But…thank you.”

She slowly disentangled herself from the blond, and he greeted her with a somewhat terse, sad smile.

“Any time, Sakura.”

“I should…probably get ready for bed. Long day tomorrow.”

“Right, right. See you.”

The slight chill in the air made her already miss his warmth.

However, Sakura didn’t shut her door until long after the Hokage’s retreating back was out of sight.

* * *

Naruto didn’t get home that night until well after midnight.

He’d really had a long, strange day. He still hoped today would be his only break from routine, but with the way Sakura had cried in his arms that night, he wasn’t sure that would be the case.

It angered him to know that Sasuke hadn’t gone to see his own wife in their three years of marriage. In fact, it absolutely infuriated him. He had just spent the entire day at his office convincing himself that Sakura was happy only to find out that same night she was anything but.

Uzumaki Naruto was known for being an idiot on occasion, but he wasn’t _blind_.

He had been at the memorial grounds just outside of the compound when he’d heard a loud bang. As he told Sakura, he would recognize that sound anywhere.

It was almost funny how he had been talking about her not seconds before.

He had rushed to her with absolutely no hesitation.

He hadn’t planned to get so angry, and he knew it wasn’t his place to pry. But he couldn’t help himself. Not when all he ever really wanted was for Sakura to be happy. He supposed he should feel guilty for oddly enjoying holding his first love to his chest as she cried, but it was heavily outweighed by his need to just make her okay again.

Guilt, however, was a vengeful bitch and practically assaulted him the second he got home.

He hoped he wouldn’t be so surprised by the sight of Hinata on their sofa had it not been so late.

“N…Naruto-kun?”

“Hey…” Guilt twisted his gut as he took in her sleepy state. She sat up from her position on the sofa, wiping what had to have been drool from her face. Tired lavender eyes looked up from him as she yawned.

“You’re home.”

“Yeah. Why aren’t you in bed? I thought I told you not to wait up.” He had sent one of his clones the second he heard the commotion coming from the Uchiha compound, hoping to stave off any concern she might have for him the next morning. He hadn’t at all expected her to wait for him. She never did anymore.

“I wanted to,” Hinata paused to yawn, her delicate hand reaching up to cover mouth. “To talk to you.”

“Whatever it is,” the blond said as he gently grabbed his wife’s forearm, “I’m sure it can wait until morning.”

He helped her off the sofa, using his weight against her to keep her worn frame from falling over. He quietly guided her to their bed, the small woman’s grip on his jacket making his stomach churn with more and more guilt with each step.

Naruto definitely cared about Hinata. He cared about her well-being, and he would never intentionally hurt her. She had been nothing but kind, but also a little strange, towards him over the years. Her painful shyness around him had mostly faded, but only to the point she could at least form complete sentences around him. Her face still lit up bright red when he would kiss her cheek or show the slightest bit of affection. It was cute.

But nothing she ever did made him feel the way Sakura had that night.

All over a simple hug.

That _he_ initiated.

As he laid his _wife_ , he reminded himself for the umpteenth time, down on their bed, he heard her mumble something incoherent against her pillow.

“Shh, go back to sleep.”

Naruto moved around the bed over to his side, intent on getting ready for bed, when Hinata’s voice once again broke the silence.

“I want to have kids.”

It was barely a mumble, but he knew he heard her right.

“We can talk about it tomorrow, ne?”

As Naruto laid down for bed that night, he’d never felt so sick to his stomach.

* * *

Naruto had never been a fan of getting up early, but he was out the door as soon as the sun was up the next morning. He was careful not to disturb Hinata, both out of courtesy and pure fear that she would remember what she had said to him the night before.

His stomach still felt sick, and his walk through the village towards his office felt more like trying to walk through quicksand. He knew he was avoiding an important conversation, one that he should have expected at some point in his marriage, but he knew he had a problem.

And that problem’s name was Uchiha Sakura.

The more he tried to hold his feelings for her back, the more they made themselves known. If he wasn’t thinking about that night at the memorial grounds, he was thinking about how he, without much thought, pulled her to him and just held her. He was thinking about how she eventually returned his embrace through her tears. He was thinking about how destroyed she looked, with her splotchy cheeks and swollen eyes, and how he would give absolutely anything to make sure she never looked like that ever again.

Maybe these feelings were just that of a concerned friend. Who wouldn’t be concerned for their friend after what he saw last night?

Perhaps he should go check on her.

As her friend.

When Naruto got to the hospital, he saw a small group of nurses crowded around the front desk. Upon seeing him, most of them dispersed, likely to take care of their duties for the day. The only one remaining he vaguely recognized as Sakura’s assistant, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember the raven-haired girl’s name.

Then he noticed her name tag. Megumi. Right.

_“Pull yourself together, Uzumaki.”_

“What can I do for you, Hokage-sama?” The emerald-eyed girl flashed him a kind smile.

“Yeah, hi, um… is Sakura in?”

“No, sir, I’m sorry. She won’t be in for another hour. Should I pass along a message?”

“Uh, no thank you, that’s alright.” He paused for a brief moment. “Actually, could you do something for me?”

“Of course, Hokage-sama.”

“Can you keep an eye on her for me today?” The young woman gave him a quizzical, worried look. “She’s fine, I’ve just noticed she’s seemed tired. So, can you do that for me?”

Tucking a piece of dark hair behind her ear, Megumi nodded. “Yes, sir, I’d be happy to.”

“Thank you, Megumi.”

The handsome blond Hokage was utterly oblivious to the other nurses who swooned as he passed them on his way out.

* * *

The next several hours leading up to his lunch break drug on for an eternity.

He knew he was going to see Sakura as soon as he was able to. He hadn’t found the time that morning between insufferable meetings about diplomacy and the state of Konoha’s technological development, falling asleep at his desk because he simply woke up too damn early, and being scolded by Shikamaru of all people for doing just that. He also didn’t have the will to try to talk himself out of it.

He was simply too worried about her.

As her _friend_ , of course.

After his last meeting for the morning, Naruto made his way to the hospital for the second time that day.

Despite being so focused on getting to Sakura’s office, despite being so worried about her (again, as a friend) — he found himself hesitating once he got to her door.

Should he even be doing this?

He moved to lower his hand from knocking on the door and walk away, but the door swung open.

He and his top medic jolted back from each other in surprise.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

“Nice to see you too, Sakura.” He couldn’t help but flash her a playful grin, and he did his best to ignore the way his heart fluttered when she returned it.

“Do you need me for something? I have some time, I was just about to take my lunch break.”

“Just wanted to see how you were doing, that’s all.”

Sakura’s face fell, just barely enough for him to notice, and he sure didn’t miss the way her lips curled into a small scowl.

In a hushed tone, probably so passersby wouldn’t overhear her, “I told you, I’m fine.” The young medic cleared her throat, tucking her hair behind her ear and purposefully straightening her posture.

“Is that all you needed?”

“Actually-.”

Once again, Naruto hesitated. His conscience screamed at him not to do this, especially knowing despite his denials that he was feeling something for his old teammate again.

Just this once: fuck it.

“Naruto-?”

“Wanna go grab lunch?”

Sakura blinked at him, jade eyes wide, and he could feel his heart constrict. He had asked her to lunch before, plenty of times, and she had usually accepted.

But that was before he was in a relationship with another woman.

And those had been _dates_. In his mind, anyway. After all, she _did_ make _him_ pay.

“Sure.”

Wait.

“R- Really?”

“Will it help you to stop worrying about me so much?”

Oh, God, why was his mouth so dry all of a sudden?

He all but rasped, “Maybe?”

She smiled as she made her way past the blond and out into the hallway. “Then let’s go.”

Naruto, dumbass that he was, nearly stumbled after her. “Y-yeah. Yeah. Okay.”

If her smiling at him was going to make his heart all but burst out of his chest, Konoha’s orange Hokage definitely had a _huge_ problem.

* * *

“Naruto, you really don’t have to walk me back to work.”

The blond huffed. “I want to.”

“Look, I know you’re worried after last night, but I promise I’m fine. It just…really got to me this time for some reason.”

“It should never get to you like that, Sakura.”

Naruto’s hands were stuffed in his pockets, his only means of making sure he didn’t pull her right back into his arms.

Sakura stayed poignantly quiet.

“Just let me walk you, please? For old time’s sake?”

Perhaps in the spirit of traditions gone by, she said, “Alright, fine.”

The walk back to the hospital was spent in companionable silence, and once again, Naruto made sure to keep his hands to himself.

Once they arrived at the hospital, Sakura turned to him. “Thanks for walking me. Even though I’m more than capable of handling myself.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck and offered her a sheepish grin. “Don’tcha think I know that?”

Sakura raised a single pink eyebrow at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Aah, of course I know that, Sakura-ch-.” He cleared his throat and continued, hoping she somehow hadn’t noticed his rather obvious his slip up. “Sakura. It was just nice spending time with you after so long, ya know? I guess I just missed you.”

Sakura’s expression softened, her arms sliding down to her sides. She stuffed her hands in her lab coat as she bit her lower lip, appearing to want to say something.

Whatever it was, she clearly decided against it because she only sighed softly as a response.

“See you around, Naruto.”

He stood there at the hospital’s gate, watching her retreating back, and remembered what Hinata had said to him the night before.

_“I want to have kids.”_

When the sliding doors to the hospital finally shut, Naruto turned to make his way back towards his office.

Hinata wanted to have kids, but instead of seeing violet-haired, blue-eyed children, all he could see was a blond, jade-eyed little boy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you cringe or wanna vomit every time you see/hear “Uchiha Sakura,” don’t worry, me too. I hate typing it. Just have to emphasize they know the way they’re feeling is wrong because they’re married to other people.
> 
> YEAH I HATE IT TOO OK
> 
> Til next time! Don’t forget to comment/fave!


	4. lean on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto just wants to cuddle ft. Platonic!InoSaku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don’t love InoSaku in all of its forms, I’m sorry you don’t have any joy in your life.
> 
> Also, canon? Taken out the back and shot. Most of the events before the story starts take place in the blank period so I’m using that as loose inspiration. If you’re a diehard NS fan like me, I doubt you really care about those details anyways. So, basically... I only know details and actually care about everything up to 698. Everything released after that....just throw the whole thing away.
> 
> And sorry for the slightly longer wait, life happens, ya know?
> 
> Enjoy!

Naruto said he had missed her.

If Sakura were totally honest with herself for once, she missed him too. Dearly.

She had wanted to tell him, she did; but it felt wrong somehow.

That day just a couple of weeks ago rekindled their old ramen tradition. They had met for lunch twice more over the last two weeks in the spirit of catching up. It had been much like their days as teenagers, as if they were picking up right where they left off. But Sakura would pay for her own meals this time.

And of course, there was never any, _“So, Sakura-chan, does that make this a da~te?”_

Not that she’d ever expected that.

She had found out that Naruto visited the memorial grounds regularly, which explained how he had been there for her so conveniently. It had warmed her heart to think of Naruto speaking to the parents she knew, without a doubt, loved him unconditionally.

_“Please...take care of my son.”_

Maybe it hadn’t been the way the Fourth intended, but Sakura certainly felt she had. As far as she could tell, he was in a happy marriage with a woman he loved. He achieved his life long dream and became Hokage even younger than his own father had.

Naruto, of course, wasn’t so successful purely because of her. To her, she could have never done enough.

But she did feel that he was with a woman better than she, one that could make him happier than she ever could.

The successful medic was pulled out of her musings by feminine screeching that she distinctly recognized as Ino’s, followed by another feminine voice that sounded more pleading, like she was trying to be patient with Sakura’s other favorite blonde.

Her poor, poor assistant.

Setting her now abandoned lunch aside, Sakura stood and headed down the hallway towards the commotion.

“FOREHEAD! Thank goodness, tell your assistant here best friends don’t need appointments!”

“M-Ma’am, ultrasounds require-“

“Tell her, Sakura!”

The rosette sighed as she shoved her hands in her coat pockets and shrugged.

“If I say yes, well you please stop yelling Megumi-san’s poor ears off?”

The young blonde turned to stick her tongue out at the dark haired woman behind the desk, a childish grin of satisfaction spreading across her lips.

“Maybe.”

“Then head down to my office, we’ll talk there, yeah? I’ll be right behind you.”

Ino smiled gleefully as she made her way down the corridor.

“I’m sorry, Megumi-san.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sakura-sama! But, um, can I just send her to your office next time?” Her young assistant smiled at her sheepishly.

“Yes, of course. I’ll handle her, don’t worry.”

Ino had always been a slightly demanding individual, and Sakura understood that could turn people off at times. But being her best friend for as long as she had, she knew Ino was relatively harmless as long as no one crossed her.

When Sakura returned to her office, she was greeted with a still rather excited, almost giddy Ino.

“Took you long enough, Forehead!”

“I was maybe two minutes behind you, Pig.”

Sakura walked over to her chair and sat down, looking over her best friend with a quizzical gaze.

“So, why exactly were you so demanding of my poor assistant?”

Ino waved her hand, lips pursed, as if to brush off her statement. “I wasn’t being demanding, I just needed to see you as soon as possible and she wasn’t letting me. Something about ultrasounds needing appointments, it was ridiculous.”

“Ultrasounds and other non-emergencies do require appointments, yes...”

As if just starting to truly process what Ino had said, Sakura blinked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Wait a minute.

“Hold on a second, are you pregnant—?”

She was interrupted by a rather loud and high-pitched squeal from Ino.

“MAYBE! That’s why I’m here! I got a few positives but- before I tell Chouji I wanna be extra sure, you know?”

Yamanaka Ino, unlike Sakura, had elected to keep her last name for the sake of her father’s memory. Chouji had more than respected her decision, especially having helped both Ino and Shikamaru through their shared grief of losing their fathers.

The day they got married had been one of Sakura’s happiest since the end of the war.

Akimichi Chouza had walked Ino down the aisle in her father’s place, and despite bittersweet undertones of the situation, Ino had the widest smile on her face. It had only been rivaled by Chouji’s.

The look of love and adoration on his face had given her a slight pang of jealousy that day, though she’d never told anyone of it.

She had always wanted someone to look at her like that.

She tried to shake the image of another loud blond from her mind.

“Sakura?”

“Hmm?” She hummed absently.

“Can we go check?”

Sakura closed her eyes for a brief moment to keep her wandering thoughts at bay.

She had a job to do, and her love life (or lack thereof) could wait.

* * *

As Sakura set up her equipment in the examination room, she noticed the way Ino uncharacteristically fiddled with her fingers. She seemed excited, but nervous. Maybe even a little green.

_“Could be morning sickness. Or just nerves,”_ she thought. _“Maybe both.”_

“Everything okay?” The medic asked as she started up the ultrasound equipment.

The blonde bit her lip as she fidgeted. “Everything’s great, I guess I’m just worried I got myself hyped up over nothing.”

“And fussed at my assistant.” Sakura gave her a gentle smile, despite the slight jab in her words.

“And fussed at your assistant... I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

Waving her off, Sakura said, “Don’t worry, I doubt she’s offended. She’s had to deal with much worse.”

After the machine hummed to life, Sakura placed cool petroleum jelly on her friend’s lower abdomen. The blonde jumped, causing her to chuckle.

“Sorry, it’s a little cold. You’ll get used to it.”

“You could’ve warned me!”

Sakura flashed her a grin before turning her attention back to the monitor.

“Maybe I didn’t want to, Pig. Now, look at your baby.”

Ino immediately jerked her head towards the monitor, light blue eyes dancing across the screen. Sakura watched as her friend welled up with tears, her bottom lip caught in her teeth.

“Where is it?”

Sakura patiently pointed out the little nub in question. “Right there.”

Tears fell down the expectant mother’s face as she exclaimed, “I can’t see it! Forehead, where’s my baby?!”

“Ino— Ino, deep breaths. Can you do that for me?”

The blonde in question nodded and took slow, deep breaths.

Sakura once again pointed to the screen.

“Do you see that little grey ball? Right there?” She made sure to circle the little bundle with her index finger, looking to her slightly distraught friend for confirmation.

The young woman sniffled and wiped her eyes, nodding slightly. “That’s it? So I’m really pregnant?”

Sakura smiled brightly, genuinely happy for her best friend. “Yes, you’re really pregnant. Looks to me you’re about six weeks along. Want pictures to take home to Chouji?”

“Yes! Yes, that’d be perfect!”

After cleaning off Ino’s abdomen and handing her a photo of her child, Sakura pulled her into a hug, holding onto her tightly.

“Ino, I’m so, so happy for you! Congratulations.”

Sakura felt the blonde’s pale arms return her embrace and could hear her shaky breath as she sighed.

“Thanks, Sakura. Chouji’s gonna be so happy, I cant wait until he gets home so I can tell him.”

“You’re gonna make great parents. I just know it.”

Ino pulled away from Sakura and gave her a wide smile through her tears of joy.

Sakura could feel her own eyes brim with happy tears for her lifelong friend and her husband.

“I hope so. I know one day, you will too.”

Sakura prayed Ino couldn’t somehow, someway see the picture of a pink-haired, blue-eyed little girl that flashed in her mind.

“Thanks, Pig. Now don’t bug my assistant like that again unless it’s an emergency, yeah?”

“No promises!” Ino laughed as she left the examination room, leaving Sakura once again to her thoughts.

That same little girl appeared in her head again, and even though she was successful in purging that image from her mind as she walked the hospital corridors, her curiosity still got the better of her.

If Ino and Chouji were already expecting their first child, how long would it be before Naruto and the rest of their generation were right behind them?

Ignoring the way her gut twisted, she also wondered when Sasuke would inevitably ask her for an heir to his clan.

She’d known from the beginning it was only a matter of time, but it had already been three years. Not that she was really in any hurry to raise a child essentially on her own. Her expectations of the Uchiha heir had taken a sharp nosedive since running into Naruto a few weeks ago, since all of these weird feelings started rising back up to the surface.

Even still, it was agonizing to think, to even expect, that Sasuke wouldn’t even be able to be there for his own child.

Sakura absently grabbed the charts for her next round of patients for the day, her head practically swimming as she silently made her way back to her office. As she sat at her desk, her mind continued down a road she didn’t want it to.

She remembered being 20 years old, standing at Konoha’s gates, her new husband regarding her with cold onyx eyes.

She remembered the way he stepped closer to her, the way her heart sped up in spite of herself.

She remembered the way she pleaded with him to take her with him, much like she had when she was 12. He had given her a smile that seemed more like a reflex. His one hand was stuffed in his pocket as he turned his back on her as he had many times before.

_“I have to do this on my own, Sakura. I’m sorry.”_

_“...Okay. Stay safe.”_

_“Hn.”_

Just like their marriage, his apology had been nothing but a formality.

She had never asked him why, but she always wondered why he married her of all the girls he likely could have had his choice of.

She thought about that girl he had spent most of his travels with — Karin — and how he seemed to tolerate her presence. Maybe even like her to some degree. Why hadn’t he just married her instead?

She had only met the red-haired young woman once, and she seemed nice enough. She seemed to truly care for Sasuke.

Karin also seemed to know him much more intimately than Sakura ever could. As much as she loved Sasuke, as much as she had wanted to be with him at the time, she could see she hadn’t been the woman best suited for him.

_“So... why pick me?”_

It was possible she would never get an answer.

Looking at the clock above her door, she realized her lunch break had been over for several minutes. Sighing, Konoha’s youngest hospital director stood from her desk and set off to complete the rest of her rounds for the day.

Uchiha Sakura had long since made her decision.

If Naruto was happy, then so was she.

* * *

Naruto seemed to need his parents’ presence now more than ever.

He sat beside their markers, as he usually did when he knew he’d be visiting with them for quite a while. He had already been there for several minutes, not saying a word, and he couldn’t decide if it was out of shame or fear of being overheard.

Sakura came barreling back into his life, and he hadn’t been able to stop indulging himself with her time whenever he had a chance. He knew she was weaseling her way back into his heart - as if she’d ever really left - and he had no idea how to stop it.

There was a part of him that didn’t want to, and he hated that part of himself.

He knew Hinata deserved much better than him.

His mother and father certainly wouldn’t be there to reprimand him for flat out avoiding his wife, but he still felt ashamed nonetheless. Plus, he could really use their guidance.

Whatever guidance their memorials could provide, he thought sadly.

“Tou-chan... Was there anyone else before Kaa-chan?”

Naruto made sure to speak softly. He couldn’t imagine what he was about to say would go over well with anyone.

“If so, did you love her...? Like, you would place yourself at death’s door if it would make her happy?”

He wrung his hands together as a cool evening breeze washed over him, like a cold, frightened child.

“Or was it always just Kaa-chan? What would you do, if you were me?”

Naruto leaned onto his forearms, which rested on his knees, and buried his face as his stomach ached with shame.

“Hinata wants kids, and I’m avoiding it. I know I’m avoiding it and I know I shouldn’t. She brought it up two weeks ago and I’ve given her every excuse I can think of.”

He moved to rest his chin on his forearm. “Of course, she never questions it when I come home really late or sleep on the sofa because lying next to her keeps me awake at night. Tou-chan, I know she doesn’t deserve this. And Kaa-chan, I know at the very least I’d get an earful for this, but...”

He closed is eyes and took a deep breath, steeling himself. Even if it was just to his parents who passed away over 20 years ago, it was still the first time he’d ever uttered such a thing out loud.

“Ever since Hinata brought that up, I keep seeing a blond, green eyed boy instead of what our kids would probably look like.”

In his mind’s eye, he could see his mother yelling at him as his father tried his best to subdue the furious redhead. It almost made him laugh.

“I know I’m making it worse by grabbing lunch with Sakura-chan—I mean, Sakura—but she’s still my friend. I’m allowed to have lunch with friends, right?”

Sure, if he wasn’t completely certain he was still in love with that friend.

“I know it’d probably be best to stay away, to keep my distance... But I missed her so much and I don’t know why it took so long for me to realize that. Tou-chan, Kaa-chan... I’m happy when I’m with her. I know seeing her again will do nothing to help the situation, but...”

Naruto stopped his conversation when he felt a familiar chakra signature. It reminded him of that night a few weeks ago when Sakura wandered back into his life, and into his heart.

As he stood from his spot on the ground, he noticed his old teammate didn’t seem as spaced out or lost as the first time. She appeared to have come there with a purpose. She gave him what seemed to be a slightly timid smile and wave.

The way his heart skipped made him feel like he was fifteen again.

He hoped the smile he gave her wasn’t nearly as lovesick as he suddenly felt.

“Hey, Naruto.”

“Hey. What’re you doing here?”

As Sakura approached him, he noticed that her eyes were slightly red-rimmed, her cheeks streaked with dried-up tears, and her bangs were slightly disheveled and sticking to her face.

She’d been crying.

Again.

“Is everything okay...?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Naruto’s heart sunk. She only ever cried like that if it was about Sasuke.

She had insisted that she was fine, over and over, but Naruto never wanted to see Sakura in this state ever again. He instead had failed to prevent it from happening.

Was she really that unhappy with him?

“But... you look like you’ve been crying.”

As he took a step closer, she took a half step back as she wrapped her sweater tighter around her small frame.

“I’m fine,” she said, not meeting his gaze.

“Then look at me and tell me why you’re here. Please?”

After a long moment, green eyes turned to him and he really hated the way his heart wanted to leap out of his chest.

Even in her most vulnerable state, she was strikingly beautiful.

“I...” She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were protecting herself from him. “I just knew you’d be here and... I didn’t want to go home yet. I know it’s a bit silly... but I didn’t want to be alone.”

Naruto stepped towards her again, tentatively, and she didn’t back away this time.

“So something _did_ happen.”

When she opened her mouth to once again protest, he continued, “Tell me, Sakura. It’s him again, isn’t it?”

Sakura turned her head completely away from him, but not quick enough. He saw the way her eyes had widened, tears instantaneously collecting in pools.

His chest constricted painfully at the sight.

Naruto hesitantly reached out his non-bandaged hand to her, resting it tentatively on her shoulder. He swallowed thickly when she again regarded him with teary jade eyes.

“I’m sorry... I know I shouldn’t pry. It’s not my business. I just...” He let his hand slowly fall from her shoulder. “I hate seeing you so unhappy.”

Despite the tears rolling down her rosy cheeks, Sakura insisted on protesting. “I’m not unhappy, Naruto. I’m fine. I shouldn’t come out here—“

“No, I’m glad you did,” the blond quickly interjected, “You don’t have to deal with this on your own.”

“I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me so much.”

Who was she trying to convince: him, or herself?

Either way, he didn’t buy it.

“When you show up here looking like you’ve been crying for the last hour, I’m gonna worry, Sakura. I’ll hunt his ass down for you—“

“No—!” Her fists were suddenly balled into his black jacket, just below his heart. “No. You don’t need to do things like that for me anymore.”

More tears fell down her face as she looked down, at what, he didn’t know. But he found himself wrapping his hands over her smaller ones and gently prying away her grip. He gave them a gentle squeeze, both for his own indulgence and her comfort, before releasing them.

“He should be here. Making you _happy_.”

“I am happy!” she insisted, her gaze immediately lifting to meet his. He simply stared down at her in silence as she bit her cheek and collected her thoughts.

“It’s just... Ino came in today. And don’t tell her I told you, but she and Chouji are about to have their first baby together. And... I know Sasuke will want an heir eventually.”

Naruto only placed his arm around her in a _completely platonic_ gesture and to keep his insides from twisting due to his own inner turmoil.

Platonic. Mutually comforting, he hoped.

That was all.

“And... I don’t know, I guess I got to thinking about how not only has he never brought it up, I haven’t even seen him since the wedding. Then that got me thinking to when he left...”

The image of the boy he had just told his parents about completely shattered.

It made sense she would want kids with her husband, he reminded himself. She seemed so heartbroken by his absence and she still wanted a child with him.

Because she loved him, and as always, Naruto would never get in the way of that.

However, no amount of reason quelled the familiar anger bubbling in his chest. The last time he had wanted to destroy Sasuke this badly, they had both lost an arm.

Focusing his attention to the woman curled into his side, he spoke up again.

“You don’t look or sound that happy to me...”

“I’ll deal with it...” Her lips pressed together in thought, and he certainly didn’t miss the way she rested her head on his chest.

“I don’t want you to worry, and I don’t want to distract you from your own happiness. I just...wanted to see my old friend, that’s all.”

Nothing couldn’t stop the smile that made its way onto his lips. He pulled Sakura just a bit closer, still platonically of course, and rested his cheek on the top of her head.

He could feel her arm at the middle of his back, returning his gesture. If Sakura could hear it, Naruto hoped she wouldn’t mention how quickly his heart had sped up.

Something about being with her like this felt right to him, and at the moment, she was the only thing in his life that mattered. The way they held each other felt like pieces falling into place, even though Naruto would never be able to explain it.

He just knew he wanted to keep her there for as long as he could, consequences be damned.

“You deserve to be happy, you know.”

Sakura sniffled quietly.

“You do too, Naruto.”

His heart had never felt so full.

“I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Mostly angst. Lots of angst.
> 
> Next chapter will give some insight to how Sakura feels about the whole situation, plus set up for the beginning of the fun stuff. ;)
> 
> Comments/faves are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews give me validation which make me wanna write more. Want more? Review. Validate me. Feed the ADHD gremlins with encouragement please


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